Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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