Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
