Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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