She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
