Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
