Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my poor anus
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
