the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
