Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
