True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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