I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
