so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
