let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize