Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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