I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
