If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
