i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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