dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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