what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
