And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
