It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
