I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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