Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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