I cockslap morals
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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