I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
