She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
