He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
