And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
