Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize