Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
