i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
