i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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