My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
