Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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