I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
