Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
