Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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