Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Life is so much better after having sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
