i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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