I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize