You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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