Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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