I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
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she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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