I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
