just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
