I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We just shotgunned beers for America
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
