maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
