Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
