is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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