I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
