The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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