who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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