Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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