i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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