Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
