Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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