I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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