Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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