No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
